The last six weeks have been a roller coaster of events and emotions.
We started Hayden's heavy metal detoxification using dmsa. Hayden takes dmsa four times a day for three days, then has 11 days off dmsa and we repeat the cycle. We are doing four cycles then re-evaluating lab work of heavy metals and check his liver and kidney function. We have completed three cycles so far. One more cycle and then a break!
I am glad to be finally getting the heavy metals out of his body but boy has it been rough!!! Hayden has been "off" for about six weeks now and it scares the crap out of. He has NEVER shown regression for more than a day or so and we are now six weeks in. I have been told repeatedly that regression is normal and to hang on because big changes are about to happen.
So what kind of regression am I seeing in Hayden? He is stimming again :( We got to the point were Hayden didn't stim anymore. We are seeing lots of hand flapping, spinning, and his shrieking is back. He is laughing at inappropriate times / things. It hurts to see him like this. I know that there is something going on his little body that is effecting him neurologically causing him to stim and I want it GONE!!!
He was also not sleeping well for about 4.5 weeks. Hayden was waking up 3-4 times a night and up for the day at 4-5am. He also stopped napping. Hayden not sleeping totally worn me down and kicked my butt. I am very happy to report that he is back to sleeping 10 hours at night and taking a one hour nap during the day. Thank goodness.........I seriously thought I was going to loose my mind.
Hayden is also having more tantrums. These are not your typical three year old tantrums!! These are tantrums that can last for an hour. Hayden loses all ability to be rational or "reached" during these tantrums. I feel so helpless when he is like this. It breaks my heart to see the rage in his eyes, the spitting, the kicking, the throwing of objects or himself.
All of the negatives and regression we have seen some positive growth!! Hayden's social skills are improving and he has a little girlfriend at school :) They sit by one another, Hayden likes to play with her hair, they have even been spotted holding hands!!! I can't even put into words how truly amazing this is. There was a time when no one, I mean NO ONE could even interact with Hayden with out him having a complete and total melt down and now he has a "girlfriend". Did I mention that she is the only girl in Hayden's class? I got the chance to talk with her parents and they said that she talks about Hayden all the time!! One of my biggest concerns is that other children will not accept Hayden and that they will treat him poorly.
It is also amazing to watch Hayden interact with my parents. He gets so excited to see them :) He is comfortable sitting in their laps, hugging them, and kissing them. There was a time this was painful for Hayden and now he totally embraces it.
We have been enjoying the zoo!! It is so much fun to see how excited Ruby and Hayden get over the animals and to hear them tell me what they are and make animals noises. Hayden also enjoys being around other people at the zoo and running and playing with the children. This is pretty exciting stuff for us......every day things that people take for granted!!
So why the change...........I am not 100% sure! At first I thought it was because Hayden accidentally ate some gluten. A week into the regression I figured that was not it. Could it be the DMSA....maybe? Could it be seasonal allergies that have triggered a histamine release in his body....maybe? Could it be a yeast kick up in his body?
I think its the yeast! His behaviors are typical of yeast "flare" up. Hayden has a doctors appointment on Tuesday and we get some labs results so I should know more than.
I am just hanging on and trying hard to stay cool, calm, and collective during this rough patch.
I just want my little man back and I think that we are slowly but surely getting there!!
We also made a decision on school next year. Hayden and Ruby will be attending Peace Montessori in New Haven. I am not looking forward to the drive (50 minutes one way) but it is the best place for Hayden at this time. It is our hope that Hayden will be able to go back to Oak Farm in a year or two.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Detox, Detox, Detox!!!
The time has come that Hayden is ready for heavy metal detoxification. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life to start the detoxification process with him.
Hayden has high levels of cadmium and lead in his little body and we have known about this for over a year now. The reason we have not started detoxification sooner is because his body was not healthy enough. Well he is now healthy enough :)
In the past 14 months Hayden has gained 7lbs and grew 5.5 inches. This may not seem like a lot for the average person but he did not grow or gain weight for 16 months.
I gave Hayden his first does of his detoxification medication (dmsa) yesterday and he will have that for two more days then take eleven days off. We are going to complete four cycles then check his labs. Dr.Macari thinks that Hayden will need about 9 months of detoxification.
I feel like I have won the powerball :) I just want this crap that has been causing my son's body to have neurological chaos out of his body. This is the final big step in Hayden's healing and now we wait....
We wait to see results and my gut tells me they are going to be huge :) We couldn't have started detox at a more perfect time. We have had such a rough winter illness wise and through all if it Hayden has prevailed.
His speech continues to explode. He is talking in complete sentences...using nouns, verbs, pronouns, and proper tense. This is HUGE!! Six months ago he said 1-2 word phrases when he wanted something. He now talks and sings from the moment he steps out of bed to the time he closes his eyes to go to sleep. There is only one word to describe it......BEAUTIFUL!! I take in every word he says and cherish it. What a journey we are on.
Hayden has high levels of cadmium and lead in his little body and we have known about this for over a year now. The reason we have not started detoxification sooner is because his body was not healthy enough. Well he is now healthy enough :)
In the past 14 months Hayden has gained 7lbs and grew 5.5 inches. This may not seem like a lot for the average person but he did not grow or gain weight for 16 months.
I gave Hayden his first does of his detoxification medication (dmsa) yesterday and he will have that for two more days then take eleven days off. We are going to complete four cycles then check his labs. Dr.Macari thinks that Hayden will need about 9 months of detoxification.
I feel like I have won the powerball :) I just want this crap that has been causing my son's body to have neurological chaos out of his body. This is the final big step in Hayden's healing and now we wait....
We wait to see results and my gut tells me they are going to be huge :) We couldn't have started detox at a more perfect time. We have had such a rough winter illness wise and through all if it Hayden has prevailed.
His speech continues to explode. He is talking in complete sentences...using nouns, verbs, pronouns, and proper tense. This is HUGE!! Six months ago he said 1-2 word phrases when he wanted something. He now talks and sings from the moment he steps out of bed to the time he closes his eyes to go to sleep. There is only one word to describe it......BEAUTIFUL!! I take in every word he says and cherish it. What a journey we are on.
Friday, April 1, 2011
The next step...
I had a meeting with the head of Hayden's school yesterday to discuss the possibility of Hayden having an aid next school year. I was excited and nervous to hear what she had to say. The director of the toddler program (this is the program Hayden is in) and he director of the primary program (program Hayden will be in next year) had met with her previously to discuss this very topic and had been told that this is not an option.
I walked into the meeting with a hopeful open mind. I knew my odds of getting Hayden a private aid for next year was slim to none. I am Hayden's voice and I owe it him to speak up and to think outside the box. That is what I did. I explained Hayden's situation and medical path that we have chosen for him. I shared my vision of how the aid would function and the aids role in the classroom. Hayden needs someone to keep him on task. He needs someone to know when to stand back and observe and someone to know when it is time to intervene. He does not need someone to expect perfection and constantly be by his side. He needs someone in the distance to support and encourage him without taking over. I explained that I don't think Hayden will need an aid for his entire educational career and that this is only temporary. I think we were all in agreement that this is what Hayden needs. The downside is that this is not something that can happen at his current Montessori school.
To look at this from an outside perspective one might say that they simply do not want an autistic child at that school or what is the big deal. If you truly understood the Montessori Method you would get it. Adding another adult to the classroom will affect the flow of the classroom, it will affect the environment, and it will affect the other students. As heartbreaking as it is.....it is what it is!!
The positive note from the meeting is that they are going to give Hayden more time to decide if he can move into the primary classroom with out and aid next year. Originally it was to be decided by the end of April if Hayden would be asked back to Oak Farm next year or not. We set up a plan for Hayden to attend the summer toddler camps and the last session of the primary camp and the decision will be made the end of summer.
I am so proud of my little Hayden!! In December I could feel that the program chairs felt that Hayden would not be moving to Primary next year. I remained hopeful and positive. I have seen the things Hayden has overcome in the last year and I knew that he could do it. They gave me a list of all the things he has to be able to do to be in Primary and he was barely meeting any of the goals. He is now meeting ALL of those goals. He needs some redirection, but he is doing his work!
This is great news to me!!! Hayden should be healthy and strong enough to start detoxification from heavy metals anytime now. I know that this is going to make huge changes in him and feel that this is the missing "piece" to Hayden's autism puzzle. I feel that his attention span and some of his sensory issues are going to improve drastically with detox.
It was said if the primary classroom was 15 kids (in the Montessori environment there are 25 kids) Hayden could move up no question. This is bitter sweet to me. Hayden qualified for special ed preschool this time last year and now he can thrive and fully function on his own in a regular classroom. Music to my ears :) It was also nice to hear that just because Hayden does not attend Oak Farm next year does not mean that he will not be back.
So for now we continue to push ahead and I will continue to search for a back up school for Hayden. The Montessori school that I thought would be a good back up plan I am not so sure about anymore. I have looked at 12 preschool now. I'm not sure how many more I can look at and stay sane!!!
For now I am going to remain positive and hopeful!! It is out of my hands and God knows what he is doing.......I just wish I knew his plan.
I walked into the meeting with a hopeful open mind. I knew my odds of getting Hayden a private aid for next year was slim to none. I am Hayden's voice and I owe it him to speak up and to think outside the box. That is what I did. I explained Hayden's situation and medical path that we have chosen for him. I shared my vision of how the aid would function and the aids role in the classroom. Hayden needs someone to keep him on task. He needs someone to know when to stand back and observe and someone to know when it is time to intervene. He does not need someone to expect perfection and constantly be by his side. He needs someone in the distance to support and encourage him without taking over. I explained that I don't think Hayden will need an aid for his entire educational career and that this is only temporary. I think we were all in agreement that this is what Hayden needs. The downside is that this is not something that can happen at his current Montessori school.
To look at this from an outside perspective one might say that they simply do not want an autistic child at that school or what is the big deal. If you truly understood the Montessori Method you would get it. Adding another adult to the classroom will affect the flow of the classroom, it will affect the environment, and it will affect the other students. As heartbreaking as it is.....it is what it is!!
The positive note from the meeting is that they are going to give Hayden more time to decide if he can move into the primary classroom with out and aid next year. Originally it was to be decided by the end of April if Hayden would be asked back to Oak Farm next year or not. We set up a plan for Hayden to attend the summer toddler camps and the last session of the primary camp and the decision will be made the end of summer.
I am so proud of my little Hayden!! In December I could feel that the program chairs felt that Hayden would not be moving to Primary next year. I remained hopeful and positive. I have seen the things Hayden has overcome in the last year and I knew that he could do it. They gave me a list of all the things he has to be able to do to be in Primary and he was barely meeting any of the goals. He is now meeting ALL of those goals. He needs some redirection, but he is doing his work!
This is great news to me!!! Hayden should be healthy and strong enough to start detoxification from heavy metals anytime now. I know that this is going to make huge changes in him and feel that this is the missing "piece" to Hayden's autism puzzle. I feel that his attention span and some of his sensory issues are going to improve drastically with detox.
It was said if the primary classroom was 15 kids (in the Montessori environment there are 25 kids) Hayden could move up no question. This is bitter sweet to me. Hayden qualified for special ed preschool this time last year and now he can thrive and fully function on his own in a regular classroom. Music to my ears :) It was also nice to hear that just because Hayden does not attend Oak Farm next year does not mean that he will not be back.
So for now we continue to push ahead and I will continue to search for a back up school for Hayden. The Montessori school that I thought would be a good back up plan I am not so sure about anymore. I have looked at 12 preschool now. I'm not sure how many more I can look at and stay sane!!!
For now I am going to remain positive and hopeful!! It is out of my hands and God knows what he is doing.......I just wish I knew his plan.
Friday, March 25, 2011
What a couple of weeks..........
The last few weeks have been rough on our family. Two weeks ago Saturday I came home from work to find Hayden struggling to breath. He honestly scared me shitless. I must add that I don't scare easily or hardly ever panic, but this did it. The poor little guy was breathing 66 times a minute, grunting, retracting, and looked like life was being sucked out of him. I hurried and gave him a breathing treatment, had Brandon pack us a bag and off to the ER we went. I seriously drove 90 mph down I-69.
We got to the hospital and spent 4 very long hours in the emergency room until Hayden's room was ready in the PICU. Hayden improved quickly with steriods, breathing treatments, and oxygen. We stayed 3 days in the hospital and then went home on oxygen, breathing treatments, and steriods. I think I slept a total of three hours the whole time we were there. I was so proud of Hayden in the hospital. He was such a good boy and took everthing in stride.
Hayden was doing well and went back to school later that week. Friday evening I noticed that he was starting to cough and was a little short of breath. I gave him a breathing treatment and he improved. We went to bed. I got up in the morning for work and Hayden woke up coughing and short of breath again. He improved with his treatment and I left detailed instructions with Daddy and went to work. When I got home from work that evening Hayden's breathing was a whole lot worse. I put him on oxygen, gave him several treatments in a row and called and got him more steriods. He improved and we went to bed. He slept through the night so I thought that was a good sign. I checked his breathing and breath sounds before I went to work and he seemed to be doing okay. I called and checked on Hayden a few times that morning and called our peditrician to see if I could get him seen. My awesome co-workers sent me home at 10am.
I got home and took Hayden to the ER again. He now has a horrible cough, snoty nose, and is breathing in the 60's again. I suspected that he caught RSV while we were in the hospital and sure enough he tested postive. We waited 5 hours in the ER this time before our room in peds was ready.
Hayden's nurse had no buisness taking care of sick children. She didn't think that he was retracting and refused to call the respiratory therapist to give him a treatment when I asked for one. UGH....imagine my anger towards her!!! So being the smart Mommy that I am I packed Hayden's breathing medication and gave him a treatment. I guess she didn't get the memo that when a child has a chronic condition / special needs you listen to the Mom.
Life on peds sucked this time around!! We couldn't leave the room because we now were in isolation for RSV. I think 5 milllion people came in our room that night. When I finally fell asleep at 3am I was woke up at 3:15am by our nurse saying that we were getting a room mate. What???? I calmly made my point and they agreed to wait until morning to bring in our room mate.
Morning came and I talked to the charge nurse. I can't believe they were going to bring in another patient that's parents stunk like they just smoked a case of cigarettes. Let me tell you how great that would be for my autistic, asthmatic child that has RSV. I talked to the manager of peds and she told me it was okay because the beds are three feet apart and she understands how I feel. BITE ME!!! I have not been that angry in a long time, but this lady sure pushed my buttons. I was prepared to block the door way, becuase those people were not comming anywher near us. Luckily I was able to talk the dr into discharging us and that whole me blocking the door situation was avoided :)
Home again, home again, back on oxygen, around the clock every three hour breathing treatments, an oximeter, twice a day steriods, and an inhaler twice a day. That does even cover the 23 vitamins, probiotics, and digestive enzymes that Hayden gets a day and his hyperbaric oxygen therapy. I feel like all I did was give Hayden meds. I sure the heck did not sleep.
Hayden's behavior has horrible this week!!! He peed in my water cup, the dog bowl, the pretend cooking dishes, and in his sisters ride on toy. He colored all over the walls, table, himself, the dog, and his sister. He flooded the kitchen and poured a cup of water over his sisters head. He threw his sisters poop out of the tub and hit me in the head with it....I must say this was the icing on the cake. He was stimming left and right, poor eye contact, temper tantrums like you would not believe, and was not talking like he had been.
I admit I was scared that autism was pulling him back in. I can't even describe to you what it is like to watch your child back slide. All of the hard work we have done in the last year to pull him from the grasps of autism and it was sucking him back in. I knew that it was only temporary and he would return to his baseline, but man there was some doubt there.
I am happy to report that Hayden is much like himself today :) I sure hope Daddy can keep up with all his needs this weekend.
We got to the hospital and spent 4 very long hours in the emergency room until Hayden's room was ready in the PICU. Hayden improved quickly with steriods, breathing treatments, and oxygen. We stayed 3 days in the hospital and then went home on oxygen, breathing treatments, and steriods. I think I slept a total of three hours the whole time we were there. I was so proud of Hayden in the hospital. He was such a good boy and took everthing in stride.
Hayden was doing well and went back to school later that week. Friday evening I noticed that he was starting to cough and was a little short of breath. I gave him a breathing treatment and he improved. We went to bed. I got up in the morning for work and Hayden woke up coughing and short of breath again. He improved with his treatment and I left detailed instructions with Daddy and went to work. When I got home from work that evening Hayden's breathing was a whole lot worse. I put him on oxygen, gave him several treatments in a row and called and got him more steriods. He improved and we went to bed. He slept through the night so I thought that was a good sign. I checked his breathing and breath sounds before I went to work and he seemed to be doing okay. I called and checked on Hayden a few times that morning and called our peditrician to see if I could get him seen. My awesome co-workers sent me home at 10am.
I got home and took Hayden to the ER again. He now has a horrible cough, snoty nose, and is breathing in the 60's again. I suspected that he caught RSV while we were in the hospital and sure enough he tested postive. We waited 5 hours in the ER this time before our room in peds was ready.
Hayden's nurse had no buisness taking care of sick children. She didn't think that he was retracting and refused to call the respiratory therapist to give him a treatment when I asked for one. UGH....imagine my anger towards her!!! So being the smart Mommy that I am I packed Hayden's breathing medication and gave him a treatment. I guess she didn't get the memo that when a child has a chronic condition / special needs you listen to the Mom.
Life on peds sucked this time around!! We couldn't leave the room because we now were in isolation for RSV. I think 5 milllion people came in our room that night. When I finally fell asleep at 3am I was woke up at 3:15am by our nurse saying that we were getting a room mate. What???? I calmly made my point and they agreed to wait until morning to bring in our room mate.
Morning came and I talked to the charge nurse. I can't believe they were going to bring in another patient that's parents stunk like they just smoked a case of cigarettes. Let me tell you how great that would be for my autistic, asthmatic child that has RSV. I talked to the manager of peds and she told me it was okay because the beds are three feet apart and she understands how I feel. BITE ME!!! I have not been that angry in a long time, but this lady sure pushed my buttons. I was prepared to block the door way, becuase those people were not comming anywher near us. Luckily I was able to talk the dr into discharging us and that whole me blocking the door situation was avoided :)
Home again, home again, back on oxygen, around the clock every three hour breathing treatments, an oximeter, twice a day steriods, and an inhaler twice a day. That does even cover the 23 vitamins, probiotics, and digestive enzymes that Hayden gets a day and his hyperbaric oxygen therapy. I feel like all I did was give Hayden meds. I sure the heck did not sleep.
Hayden's behavior has horrible this week!!! He peed in my water cup, the dog bowl, the pretend cooking dishes, and in his sisters ride on toy. He colored all over the walls, table, himself, the dog, and his sister. He flooded the kitchen and poured a cup of water over his sisters head. He threw his sisters poop out of the tub and hit me in the head with it....I must say this was the icing on the cake. He was stimming left and right, poor eye contact, temper tantrums like you would not believe, and was not talking like he had been.
I admit I was scared that autism was pulling him back in. I can't even describe to you what it is like to watch your child back slide. All of the hard work we have done in the last year to pull him from the grasps of autism and it was sucking him back in. I knew that it was only temporary and he would return to his baseline, but man there was some doubt there.
I am happy to report that Hayden is much like himself today :) I sure hope Daddy can keep up with all his needs this weekend.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Meeting at Hayden's School
Last year this time I was on a quest to find the best school possible for my son and our family. On my crazed quest I visited nine different preschools. I spent countless hours searching the Internet, talking to parents, making phone calls to schools, and then visiting nine different preschools.
Out of the nine I visited there was only one that I felt comfortable sending my little Hayden to. There was one preschool that I left shaking and in tears at the horror that I had just witnessed!!! Is it ever okay to strap a three year old to a chair because they are not doing what they are told?? I feel sick that people are okay with their autistic children being treated that way. My heart still races thinking of this. One of the preschool asked me if I thought of putting Hayden on behavior medication at the tender age of two and a half. I squealed my tires getting out of that parking lot. Okay not really, but I wanted to.
I saved the school that I felt was a top contender for my last visit. That school was Oak Farm Montessori School in Avilla. I honestly can not put in words what an amazing school it is and what a perfect fit it has been for our family. Hayden is thriving and I feel as a family we are thriving. Oak Farm has given my tools and opportunities to better myself not only as a parent, but as a person. I work closely with his teachers and feel that we are a cohesive team striving to give Hayden the best future possible.
Hayden is doing well at school and continues to make great strides. The problem is that they are unsure that he will be ready to move up to the next grade level next year and that he needs more than what the level he is in next year. Which means Hayden's journey at Oak Farm may be coming to an end. I have full faith that Hayden will be ready come fall. I look at all that he has over come and I can't help to be completely optimistic that he can and will thrive in the Primary class.
I have monthly meetings at his school to make sure that we are on the same page. His teachers are so proud of him. Today I got chills as they were talking of the huge growth Hayden has made in the last several weeks. They are as excited and proud of Hayden as I am!!! A teacher that has been working with him even questioned his diagnosis of autism. I must say that was music to my ears!!! I know his diagnosis is correct, but also know that Hayden will not be autistic all his life.
Then came the bad news..................The dean of the school does not approve of Hayden having a private aid in primary. This is something that has never happened at Oak Farm and at this time they are not ready to implement private aids in the classroom. I started to tear up. I am heartbroken. Deep down to my core I know that Oak Farm is the school for our family. So what is next??? I am going to write a letter to the dean begging her to allow a private aid for Hayden and schedule a meeting with her. I need to do some research and find some concrete evidence supporting Hayden having a private aid and it's effect on the whole classroom. I also have to continue looking at schools in hopes of finding a back up plan.
Brandon, Ruby, and I visited a school in Fort Wayne this week and it was a NO!! I have another Montessori school in Fort Wayne I need to visit. I don't know what to think or do!!! I wish I could just home school him, but know that Hayden needs more than what I can offer.
I can't stand not having control and not having a plan. I have to put my faith in God and pray that he guides me down the right path.
Out of the nine I visited there was only one that I felt comfortable sending my little Hayden to. There was one preschool that I left shaking and in tears at the horror that I had just witnessed!!! Is it ever okay to strap a three year old to a chair because they are not doing what they are told?? I feel sick that people are okay with their autistic children being treated that way. My heart still races thinking of this. One of the preschool asked me if I thought of putting Hayden on behavior medication at the tender age of two and a half. I squealed my tires getting out of that parking lot. Okay not really, but I wanted to.
I saved the school that I felt was a top contender for my last visit. That school was Oak Farm Montessori School in Avilla. I honestly can not put in words what an amazing school it is and what a perfect fit it has been for our family. Hayden is thriving and I feel as a family we are thriving. Oak Farm has given my tools and opportunities to better myself not only as a parent, but as a person. I work closely with his teachers and feel that we are a cohesive team striving to give Hayden the best future possible.
Hayden is doing well at school and continues to make great strides. The problem is that they are unsure that he will be ready to move up to the next grade level next year and that he needs more than what the level he is in next year. Which means Hayden's journey at Oak Farm may be coming to an end. I have full faith that Hayden will be ready come fall. I look at all that he has over come and I can't help to be completely optimistic that he can and will thrive in the Primary class.
I have monthly meetings at his school to make sure that we are on the same page. His teachers are so proud of him. Today I got chills as they were talking of the huge growth Hayden has made in the last several weeks. They are as excited and proud of Hayden as I am!!! A teacher that has been working with him even questioned his diagnosis of autism. I must say that was music to my ears!!! I know his diagnosis is correct, but also know that Hayden will not be autistic all his life.
Then came the bad news..................The dean of the school does not approve of Hayden having a private aid in primary. This is something that has never happened at Oak Farm and at this time they are not ready to implement private aids in the classroom. I started to tear up. I am heartbroken. Deep down to my core I know that Oak Farm is the school for our family. So what is next??? I am going to write a letter to the dean begging her to allow a private aid for Hayden and schedule a meeting with her. I need to do some research and find some concrete evidence supporting Hayden having a private aid and it's effect on the whole classroom. I also have to continue looking at schools in hopes of finding a back up plan.
Brandon, Ruby, and I visited a school in Fort Wayne this week and it was a NO!! I have another Montessori school in Fort Wayne I need to visit. I don't know what to think or do!!! I wish I could just home school him, but know that Hayden needs more than what I can offer.
I can't stand not having control and not having a plan. I have to put my faith in God and pray that he guides me down the right path.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I eat, breath, and sleep autism
Autism is always on my brain!! I eat, sleep, and breath autism. There is never a moment in my life that I am not evaluating treatment paths, planning every bite of food that goes in my children's mouths, over analyzing my sons behavior, reading and researching, looking at Ruby for any hint of a "red" flag, or feeling every emotion there is towards autism.
I feel as though in the quest to save my son from the secluded world of autism I have lost my self to it. It consumes every part of me deep into my core and I feel so broken and lost. I am no longer Brandi, I am Hayden's Mom healing him from autism. All the things I use to enjoy have went to the way side.
I need to find balance and I have no clue how. How do I stop my obsessive compulsive behavior towards autism?? Hayden is doing so well and with out a doubt in my mind is going to live a productive happy life. I feel like I need a twelve step program to detox from being so consumed with Hayden's illness. Why can't I just let go and relax?
I need to make time and re-connect with myself and my husband. I have put us on hold and focused every bit of energy I have into my kids. I feel that I would be a better Mom if I would take time for myself and strengthen my relationship with my husband. I want my kids to know the "real"me not the crazy lady obsessed with autism. I want them to know how much I love and value their father and set a positive example of a healthy relationship.
I feel as though in the quest to save my son from the secluded world of autism I have lost my self to it. It consumes every part of me deep into my core and I feel so broken and lost. I am no longer Brandi, I am Hayden's Mom healing him from autism. All the things I use to enjoy have went to the way side.
I need to find balance and I have no clue how. How do I stop my obsessive compulsive behavior towards autism?? Hayden is doing so well and with out a doubt in my mind is going to live a productive happy life. I feel like I need a twelve step program to detox from being so consumed with Hayden's illness. Why can't I just let go and relax?
I need to make time and re-connect with myself and my husband. I have put us on hold and focused every bit of energy I have into my kids. I feel that I would be a better Mom if I would take time for myself and strengthen my relationship with my husband. I want my kids to know the "real"me not the crazy lady obsessed with autism. I want them to know how much I love and value their father and set a positive example of a healthy relationship.
Monday, February 21, 2011
What a well behaved little boy :)
Today was a big day for me as a Mom!! For the first time ever a complete stranger complimented me a told me what a well behaved little boy I had. I must admit I had to pause and look around and make sure that she was talking to me. She said that she was impressed when Hayden accidentally knocked over some boxes at the store and he picked them up with out me even asking him too. It felt so good to hear a complete stranger complete my little man. I am so use to getting the "stink" eye from people and horrible advice on parenting. Once Hayden and I got in the car I broke down and cried!!
I can't believe how far we have come. Our lives have changed so much in the last year my head is still spinning!! I wish I could take all the credit for all of Hayden's progress but I can't. We have been blessed with amazing people that have helped our son more than I could have ever dreamed. He goes to an amazing school that loves him for who he is, embraces his differences, and pushes him harder than any other child in his class. The way his teachers look at him and treat him amazes me. You can just see it in their faces how much they love him and care about him. They want to see Hayden succeed just as much as I do. So hear is a huge shout out to Oak Farm Montessori and especially Candy, Lori, and Nefy you are our angels and have made a huge impact on our family!! There are many others in our support system that are amazing, I wanted to focus on his school today :)
All in all Hayden had a good check up. We are holding off on detox for another month (some lab results are still pending) and switching up his supplements a little bit. His food sensitivities have changed.......grrrr. It is good and bad news. He is now sensitive to almonds. For the life of me I don't know why this caught me off guard, but it sure did. This is the one food that he eats every day. He loves almond milk, almond ice cream, and almond chocolate. I now have to transition him off almonds...joy, oh, joy. On the bright side he can have corn, pork, strawberries, and lemon again!!! Woot, Woot.....I am excited!!!! I have missed strawberries greatly!! I don't think we are going to eat pork. We don't miss it at all and it is hard to get organic.
At Hayden's appointment his doctor looked me in the eye and told me she is 99% percent sure that Hayden is going to make a full recovery!!!! It took me a very awkward minute to process what she said. I was speechless. I have always thought that Hayden will live a happy, fulfilling life, but to be recovered from autism fully WOW. I believe her, she has been right on about Hayden this far. I honestly don't think she would say with out meaning it and she has treated hundreds of autistic children.
I know that there are a lot of people out there that think what we are doing with Hayden is a hoax. There is a slight part of me that cares what they think. All I have to say is, "The results don't lie." If you would have known my son at the age of 18 months and meet him now you would totally get it!!!
Autism is treatable. There is help out there. Every day that you wait to get treatment is a day in your child's neurological development that you can't get back!!!
I can't believe how far we have come. Our lives have changed so much in the last year my head is still spinning!! I wish I could take all the credit for all of Hayden's progress but I can't. We have been blessed with amazing people that have helped our son more than I could have ever dreamed. He goes to an amazing school that loves him for who he is, embraces his differences, and pushes him harder than any other child in his class. The way his teachers look at him and treat him amazes me. You can just see it in their faces how much they love him and care about him. They want to see Hayden succeed just as much as I do. So hear is a huge shout out to Oak Farm Montessori and especially Candy, Lori, and Nefy you are our angels and have made a huge impact on our family!! There are many others in our support system that are amazing, I wanted to focus on his school today :)
All in all Hayden had a good check up. We are holding off on detox for another month (some lab results are still pending) and switching up his supplements a little bit. His food sensitivities have changed.......grrrr. It is good and bad news. He is now sensitive to almonds. For the life of me I don't know why this caught me off guard, but it sure did. This is the one food that he eats every day. He loves almond milk, almond ice cream, and almond chocolate. I now have to transition him off almonds...joy, oh, joy. On the bright side he can have corn, pork, strawberries, and lemon again!!! Woot, Woot.....I am excited!!!! I have missed strawberries greatly!! I don't think we are going to eat pork. We don't miss it at all and it is hard to get organic.
At Hayden's appointment his doctor looked me in the eye and told me she is 99% percent sure that Hayden is going to make a full recovery!!!! It took me a very awkward minute to process what she said. I was speechless. I have always thought that Hayden will live a happy, fulfilling life, but to be recovered from autism fully WOW. I believe her, she has been right on about Hayden this far. I honestly don't think she would say with out meaning it and she has treated hundreds of autistic children.
I know that there are a lot of people out there that think what we are doing with Hayden is a hoax. There is a slight part of me that cares what they think. All I have to say is, "The results don't lie." If you would have known my son at the age of 18 months and meet him now you would totally get it!!!
Autism is treatable. There is help out there. Every day that you wait to get treatment is a day in your child's neurological development that you can't get back!!!
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