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Sunday, November 24, 2013

My Top 10 Laughable / Challenging Moments with Autism

Here is my top 10 list that will make you laugh or cry or laugh so hard that it makes you cry :)

10) It took one month to pee toilet train our son and 6 months (yes SIX months) to poop toilet train my son).  The good news was he did not like pooping his pants.  The bad news was he would poop in random places.  See #9-#6

9) My 3 year old son that poop toilet trained for 6 months had his favorite places to dump his load.  One of them being his bedroom floor at nap time.  We would shut the door with the potty chair right in his favorite spot for 6 months and he would poop on the floor beside it and then take his nap.  We would then go in after he was asleep and clean it up.  On one lucky afternoon I failed to see that my son had also peed on the floor.  I slipped in fell in my kids piss and smeared his crap all over myself.  It was one of the moments that you either cry or laugh.  I choose to contain my laughter (any autism parent knows you don't mess with a sleeping autistic child).  I walked out of his bedroom and Brandon just looked at my confused and all I could do was laugh so hard that I was crying.  Yes, honey I am covered in our 3 year old son's crap and pee.

8) It was no big deal to see our son squat and take a poop on the tile in front of our fireplace.  This was another of his favorite dumping spots.  I remember a play date with friends and this happened.  The friends we had over thought the our weenie dog took the very enormous crap in front of the fireplace.  I went with it……darn dog!!!!!

7) Hayden took a crap in the middle of the road in front of our mailbox.  There were lots of neighbors outside that day.  I scooped him and baby Ruby up and ran inside.  What do you really say / do in a situation like this…….YOU HIDE :)

6) Hayden liked to pee in random objects while pee toilet training.  My favorite was my water glass that  I then proceeded to drink out of.  You should have seen Brandon's face when I told him about this one.

5) I has having a beautiful moment nursing my newborn daughter and I just so happen to look out the window see a naked 2 year old Hayden in the driveway.  NOT GOOD!!!

4) If you visited us when Hayden was 18 months - 4.5 years of age he was most likely naked, touching his penis, and /or humping his designated humping pillow.  Yes, you read right.  He had a designated pillow to hump as we didn't want our personal pillows humped by our naked son.  My favorite memory of this was when a very conservative person was visiting us and Hayden proceeded to hump her leg naked.  Insert uncomfortable giggle here. I don't know if she was being nice or clueless of what was going on.  She said, "Oh, he is tickling me."  I had to walk out of the room and burry my head in the pillows and laugh.

3) At 18 months of age Hayden mastered the art of finding a way to get what he wanted with out any help.  Well there was cookies on top of the fridge.  The smart little guy used the step stool that his Aunt (yes, Sheila….I still have to blame you) bought him.  He placed the step stool on the counter, scooted a chair over to the counter, climbed up the chair, got on top of the step stool and pulled himself up on top the refrigerator.  I walked into the kitchen to find him still on top of the refrigerator eating cookies. Mind you he was 18 months of age.

2) I was at the zoo with my kiddos.  They had a huge blow up lion to celebrate the new lion exhibit.  There was a bench behind it out of the way.  I though ohh…great spot to nurse Ruby and Hayden is kind of enclosed here and he liked the lion.  Yes, he loved the lion so much that he unplugged the air compressors that were keeping the lion blown up. The lion quickly started to deflate.  I heard children yelling that the lion was dyeing.  Clearly a tragedy.  I did want any responsible parent would do and plugged it back in as quick as possible while feeding my daughter and corralling my son.  Then I played the stupid card yet again.  Who would unplug such a thing ;)

1) Hayden had a real thing for my haneous, jiggly, stretched out, mud flap of a stomach.  Which by the way it is his fault my stomach is like this.  He had no problem exposing my stomach no matter where we were, squeezing it, jiggling, sticking his face in it, and my personal favorite motor boating it.  I would usually try to just stick my shirt over his head to cover the mud flap of a stomach I have which is quite awkward now that I think about it.  There are not many people that walk around with small children under their shirt are there????

I am totally cracking up thinking of these moments and also oh so grateful that we no longer have those issues :) What number is your favorite???