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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Pieces of Us: A Day of Upset and Thinking about what I WANT

Pieces of Us: A Day of Upset and Thinking about what I WANT: Today has been one of those days that I am putting behind me and moving forward.  It started out like a normal day  I got up made fresh pres...

A Day of Upset and Thinking about what I WANT

Today has been one of those days that I am putting behind me and moving forward.  It started out like a normal day  I got up made fresh pressed juice and waffles for the kids and I (Brandon prefers to eat processed crap).  I cleaned up the kitchen, helped Brandon get the kids ready for the day, and sent Hayden off to the playroom.

Ruby and I headed to the gym for me to work out and Ruby to play in the child watch.  We then went to story time at the library.  Ruby loves story time and today she made a crown to wear.  We stopped for a coffee for me on the way home :)

I got home and observed our team member working with Hayden for a bit and got in the shower.  I realized that Brandon would not be done mowing so the decision was made that Ruby and I would go in the playroom and have our team member fill out a session evaluation form.

I go into the playroom to relieve the team member and she says, "I need to talk to you."  Great....I remained as calm as possible but at this point I was already agitated that I had to take Ruby in the playroom to work with Hayden.  This is not the most effective way to work with Hayden.

Good news is our beloved team member is not quitting or reducing hours.  She just wants to change her hours.  The change is for a excellent reason and I am so HAPPY for her and her family :)  I made myself a crazy emotional mess for a few hours thinking about how this will impact my family and Hayden's program.  What I was doing was making assumptions and judgements when I really don't know what is going to happen.

The truth is whatever happens, happens.  I can not control it, I can not change it.  What I can do is choose to be happy and embrace whatever the outcome is.  Regardless of what happens Hayden will still recover from autism.  We will continue Hayden's Son-Rise Program.  For a brief moment today I was enticed by how much easier my life would be if I just sent Hayden to school and stopped his program.

The truth is right now I am tired and run down.  I have been sick for a week now and I am just DONE. I want to get back to a routine.

I have decided to give our externship one more attempt before looking into other options. Our new student is set to start the end of October.  I am going to change the hours of the externship, make some new rules and guidelines, and only have one student at a time.

I want to start having team meetings.  Yes, all of my Son-Rise friends we are still not having team meetings.  I have decided on a day and time.  I will inform all team members this week.  Mainly because I am tired and this is one more thing to add to my to do list.

I have also decided that I want more help with Hayden's Son-Rise Program.  I want someone else to help me give feedback, provide motivation, and give me a break from time to time.

I also want to make new flyers to recruit volunteers, call the local newspaper, and give a presentation to the local autism support group.

I am working hard and will continue to work hard at not letting others un happiness or actions effect me. I am going to continue to be the best person I can be.

In 30 minutes my sweet babies will be in bed and I am taking a nice hot detox bath and reading a great book.

HuGS  to everyone,

Friday, September 7, 2012

Super Amazing Day!!!

I have to say that today was one of the best days of my life.  The beginning of this week I faced Hayden having a significant allergic reaction and making a difficult decision about one of our students that would greatly affect the amount of therapy hours Hayden would get over the next 3 weeks.

I handled the situations the best way I could have.  Hayden was pretty much back to normal in 24 hours after his allergic reaction and I feel I made the best decision about the student.

So what made today so super amazing??  It started off as my typical day.  I got up helped Hayden take a bath.  I prepared his goat milk yogurt smoothie and made both us fresh juice.  I then made a special breakfast cherry muffins (I was going to make raspberry but the raspberries were molded), eggs, and grilled chicken strips for lunch.  Brandon gave Hayden his morning supplements and got the kids ready for a trip to the zoo.

As a family we usually don't have time to go places with all four of us.  With the reduced amount of time in Hayden's therapy schedule for the next three weeks we have the time and we are going to take advantage of it.  The zoo has always been something I have loved taking the kids to.  We have a zoo membership and we use to go at least once a week.

We packed up and headed to the zoo.  The kids were super excited.  Ruby was telling us how she was going to ride the ponies and Hayden was telling us he wanted to see the sharks, lions, and giraffes.  He even seemed interested in riding the ponies himself.

We let Hayden decide what animals we were going to see first.  He choose to see the lions first.  He specifically said, "I want to see Bill the lion."  Hayden was calm, happy, and looking at people and the animals.  In the past Hayden is usually focused on objects not people or animals.

While we visited "Africa" Hayden fed the giraffes in a very crowded area with the greatest of ease, he played the drums with the other children, and he even waved and said, "Hi friend" to a little boy while giving him great eye contact.  He stopped and studied a interesting bird for quite some time.

We left "Africa" and let Ruby decide where we were going next.  She wanted to ride the ponies. Hayden said he wanted to see the sea lions.  I told Hayden that it was Ruby's turn to pick and we could go see the sea lions after Ruby rode the ponies.  Hayden was okay with this and off to see the ponies we went.

We got to the ponies and Hayden walked right up to the ponies.  He has never wanted to be near the ponies in the past.  I even thought he might ride one.  Hayden decided not to ride the ponies.  Ruby got on Cookie the pony and off she went.  I stayed with Hayden and we pet the ponies.

It was then time to see the sea lions.  We arrived just in time to watch the sea lion feeding show.  There was an announcer talking about the sea lions and came around with a list of activities that the sea lions could do.  He asked the kids to pick an activity from the list.  I read about 5 of the options off.   Hayden said, "Sea Lion do handstand" before Ruby even had a chance to speak up.  Not only did Hayden say, "Sea Lion do handstand" he looked the announcer right in the eye!!  I was speechless for a few seconds and right away celebrated and held back tears.

Hayden really watched and responded to the sea lions today.  I was super proud of him.  In the past he liked watching the motion of the water not the sea lions themselves.

We went on to a few other exhibits.  Hayden asked to do several things at the zoo.  He acknowledged people.  He smiled and he asked for french fries when he seen someone eating them.  I just told him that french fries make him sick.  There was not tantrum or shouting.  Hayden gave me a look like "yep, Mom I know and understand" and we moved on.

He played on the train with other kids.  He got on a tortoise statue that another child was playing on.  He wanted to pet the animals in the petting zoo.  He even brushed to goats.  We went past the gift shop and there was no screaming fit because we were not going in.

When it was time to go Hayden got in the truck and we left.  He asked to watch a movie on the way home and I told him that we didn't need to watch a movie and there was not even a scream for that.

We got home and Hayden played with his sister until it was time to go to Grammie and Papa's house for the evening.

We swam and when I told him it was time to get out for dinner he was okay with that.  Hayden sat at the table and had dinner with us talking and giving great eye contact the entire time.  He told Grammie, "Good job on chicken" and gave her a standing applause.  This was totally out of the blue completely un-prompted.

We then went outside to "feed the cows" aka as pick and eat raspberries in Hayden terminology.  Hayden talked and interacted the entire time we were outside.  He said so many things to Grammie, PaPa, Ruby, and myself that I can't recall all the went down.

We fed Rocket Rabbit.  Hayden got down, fed him treats, petted him, and talked to him very gently.  We then went inside and took a bath and headed for home.

Driving home I had time to reflect on this amazing day.   WOW.......I mean HOLY, FREAKING WOW!!  Hayden recovering fully from autism is happening.  He is SOCIAL, he is emotionally in tune,  and the most important thing of all he is HAPPY.  I couldn't help to think if he would even be diagnosed with autism anymore.

We still have more to our journey but WOW we are on our way!!!  Way to GO HAYDEN!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Healing Myself to Heal Hayden

I have to admit that I have always put my children first.  My needs and wants always came last and I viewed anyone that put themselves before their children as selfish.  The truth in the process of always putting my children first I was suffocating the life out of myself.  I hit my cracking point this past winter and decided I wanted to change that.

I wanted my kids to not only see me as "Mom" but see who the real Brandi is.  When I really thought about it I felt like the real Brandi had become lost.  I had given myself away early on in motherhood.

I remember the days of going all day with out eating, taking a shower, and tears running down my face because I had to pee so freaking bad.  I was determined to take care of Hayden with out the help from others and do everything myself.  I remember Brandon wanting to help and offering to feed Hayden a bottle.  I use to get so pissed off at the notion of "feed him a bottle".  I am pretty sure that Brandon would tell you that my head would spin when he suggested such a thing.  I was also 100% determined to breastfeed my child.  I was so determined to breastfeed or provide my child with breast milk while I was away that I lost 80 pounds in 3 months.  It was CRAZY....although I liked the weight loss it was not healthy to loose weight like that.

So fast forward 3 years.  I was working more hours than I wanted to, starting Hayden's Son-Rise program, sticking to Hayden's diet, and continuing on his supplement and biomedical schedule.  All I did was eat and breath autism and go to work.  I was feeling run down, emotional, and starting to gain weight.  I am pretty sure I was depressed.  I went to my doctor for support and encouragement.  All the doctor wanted to do was put me on antidepressants and birth control. Yeah, that was a NO go............why did I even bother!

I then went to the chiropractor because I had been having horrible headaches.  I thought I just needed to be adjusted.  He adjusted me and said, "I think you are just stressed."  REALLY......YOU THINK SO!!

I still laugh about this!  Holy crap he hit it on the nose.  I decided it was time for me to take charge of my life and stop putting myself last.  I started a vitamin regimen for myself and changed my diet.  I started with removing gluten from my diet.

I started feeling better in a months time but something was still missing.  I wanted to do something for myself that I would not feel guilty about leaving my children for.  I came up with this plan to start going to the gym.   I told myself that by going to the gym I would be healthier and a good example for my children.  I could go when Hayden is in therapy and I could take Ruby with me to the child watch area.

It cracks me up that I had to think of my kids to make this happen from myself.  I am happy to report that I am still going to the gym 2-3 times a week and absolutely 100% love it.  It feels so good to go and work out.  I often dialog myself while I am running.  I talk to people, I smile, I laugh and a lot of times I am laughing at myself.  Today I fell off the bench I was doing plank jumps on and started laughing :)  Usually I laugh because I nailed myself on the back of the legs with the jump rope for the one millionth time.

Today I ran 2 miles in 18 minutes which is a huge accomplishment for myself.  I have learned to love running and over come asthma.  There is nothing like a nice hard run to clear your head.

I go to the gym now for me.  I go if my kids are crying.  I go if my kids are sick.  I GO and I feel good about GOING.  I want this time to myself and I take it!!

I look forward to the day that I can run in marathons and my family will be cheering me on.  I want my kids to know how important it is to take care of yourself and love yourself.