Autism is always on my brain!! I eat, sleep, and breath autism. There is never a moment in my life that I am not evaluating treatment paths, planning every bite of food that goes in my children's mouths, over analyzing my sons behavior, reading and researching, looking at Ruby for any hint of a "red" flag, or feeling every emotion there is towards autism.
I feel as though in the quest to save my son from the secluded world of autism I have lost my self to it. It consumes every part of me deep into my core and I feel so broken and lost. I am no longer Brandi, I am Hayden's Mom healing him from autism. All the things I use to enjoy have went to the way side.
I need to find balance and I have no clue how. How do I stop my obsessive compulsive behavior towards autism?? Hayden is doing so well and with out a doubt in my mind is going to live a productive happy life. I feel like I need a twelve step program to detox from being so consumed with Hayden's illness. Why can't I just let go and relax?
I need to make time and re-connect with myself and my husband. I have put us on hold and focused every bit of energy I have into my kids. I feel that I would be a better Mom if I would take time for myself and strengthen my relationship with my husband. I want my kids to know the "real"me not the crazy lady obsessed with autism. I want them to know how much I love and value their father and set a positive example of a healthy relationship.
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